Thursday, April 28, 2011

Sad Looking Marsupial

This is a Southern Hairy Nosed Wombat.  Despite their despondent appearance they are known as highly social wombats, residing in groups of 6 to 10 in a single burrow system.  The burrow system is critical to their survival.  According to wikipedia:
"To avoid predators, it runs into its burrow.  If followed, it can crush the predator against the tunnel wall using its backside."
Sounds awesome.

Mmmm, native grasses. 

Hullo! We're being social!

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Best Dad Ever

I read a few articles this morning that made me really dislike humans.  But then I saw this guy was on twitter with the screen name DadBoner and my faith in humanity returned.  I hope it's a real guy, 'cause he's awesome.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Awesome Dinosaur Costume Terrorizes Children

Wave Goodbye To Any Happy Childhood Memories

This clip is from 'The Orson Welles Show," an unaired talk show pilot.  In the clip, Orson Welles is interviewing creative geniuses Jim Henson and Frank Oz.  Welles' creepy, unorthodox, over the top dramatics places two of our favorite muppets in situations you'll never be able to unsee.  Enjoy!

I'm almost certain that the Kermit and Miss Piggy clips were not part of the original episode but they fit seemlessly into the dark, overscripted tapestry of the show.  So I guess we'll never know.

The episode also included an interview with Burt Reynolds and a segment in which Orson performs magic tricks with Angie Dickinson. Fascinating.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

My Cousins

The Natural World: Year of the Cat - Boston Globe

No Surprises Here

Here is a map measuring the US Peace Index.  Blue is peaceful, red is less peaceful or just plain abhorent. I think I've spotted a distinct pattern. Can you see it too?

The US is ranked 85 of 149 nations in the Global Peace Index.  We have moved up 11 spots over the past 3 years.  The most peaceful nations are New Zealand, Iceland and Japan.  The least peaceful are Iraq, Somalia and Afghanistan.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Your Beard Is Too Big If...

11. You find your lost keys in it.
12. Animals mistake your face for their natural habitat.
13. Hipsters do not shun you for liking a song you heard on the radio.
14. Your dog is covered in beard hair.
15. Facial recognition software identifies you as Gandalf.
16. Your chin has requested legal counsel.
17. People assume you are either going to make them die laughing or just make them die.
18. From 50 feet away it looks like an enormous cat is sleeping on your face.
19. From 10 feet away people still aren't sure.
20. It's assumed you can build a log cabin with your "bear" hands.

Lords of Salem Update

Rob Zombie posted this on his blog promoting his next film Lords of Salem.  He says the image comes from a very painful scene.  Sounds scary but I'm usually not frightened by horror films.  Though, throw a couple of vacuums into the mix and I will freak out.  The vacuum being my natural enemy.

Anyway, according to an interview in Empire filming is supposed to start in Salem, MA around April, 18.  That's Boston Marathon day for all the idiots who run.  Good luck dummies.

The rumor is that the film will start with a prologue set in the year 1692.  Then they will jump to present day and stuff starts to get weird.  Awesome, I'm so psyched I feel like rolling around on the floor and exposing my belly!


Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Exemplary Safety Record

Transocean is the drilling firm that operated the Deepwater Horizon oil rig in the Gulf of Mexico.  It exploded last year killing 11 workers.  Then it dumped an estimated 250,000,000 gallons of oil into the ocean, damaging coastlines and killing thousands of animals.  (conservative government reported estimate)

Looks safe enough.

So, what do you do when you are a multi-billion dollar company that's down in the dumps?  You start to focus on the positive.  It was one measly explosion.  That's right.  Compared to all the other stuff they do, one explosion is a pretty good average.  In fact, their yearly safety report said just that:
"Notwithstanding the tragic loss of life in the Gulf of Mexico, we achieved an exemplary statistical safety record as measured by our total recordable incident rate and total potential severity rate."
Referencing "potential severity" just means they are psyched not all of their oil rigs exploded.  They have 24 other ultra deep water rigs and the report says that those are great.  Going 24 for 25 is an awesome average.  Give it up for these all-stars.  With history re-written they are now free to give huge bonuses to it's executives for it's "best year" in safety.

Bill & Ted's Excellently Bogus Adventurous Journey?

Greetings my excellent friends.  Unless it's some kind of elaborate post April foolery, The Wyld Stallions: Ted "Theodore" Logan and Bill S. Preston Esq., have confirmed they are on board for like a 3rd totally gnarly to the max adventure film.  Actually, Alex Winter (Bill) never confirmed anything, but come on, is he doing anything?

"My career is in danger of flunking most heinously."

Most Excellent Scene from Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure:

Guard: "Put them in the iron maiden."

Ted: "Iron maiden?"
Bill & Ted: "Excellent!" [air guitar]

Guard: "Execute them."

Bill & Ted: "Bogus."

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Unicorns Aren't Gay

Big Dummy

Ha, I love this.  Critics (including Palin) are bashing Tina Fey saying she unfairly exploited Vice Presidential Candidate Sarah Palin by portraying her so well, many confused Fey with Palin.

Um, if people watching Saturday Night Live or Youtube clips confuse a talented commedienne with an American Vice Presidential candidate, the candidate is probably doing something wrong.  Let's recap her political career with some clips chosen randomly from youtube:

Et cetera...

I still don't understand why people think she is a real person, she does nothing for your species.  For one, she commands zero respect due to her lack of intelligence and she has no actual transferable skills that would help her run anything, never mind a country.  I mean, she thought looking out her window gave her experience in foreign policy and international relations.  When asked how she would handle the current hostilities in North and South Korea, she said, "But obviously, we've got to stand with our North Korean allies."  For those who don't know, North Korea is the "bad" one.  But a presidential candidate should know these small details. 

Anyway, I'm just a cat, what do I know.

Just remember, due to all of the states south of West Virginia, the person who said the following has an excellent chance of becoming the first female human president:
"What would your response be if I asked you to remove some books from the collection?"
-Sarah Palin inquiring with Wasilla librarian Mary Ellen Emmons about banning books right after Palin took office as Mayor of Wasilla, Alaska, in 1996.
"I don't know if you're going to use the word 'terrorist' there." -Sarah Palin, asked if people who bomb abortion clinics are terrorists, NBC News interview, Oct. 23, 2008
"There's a place in Hell reserved for women who don't support other women." -Sarah Palin, misquoting former Secretary of State Madeline Albright, who said women should "help" other women," Carson, Caliif., Oct. 4, 2008
"Perhaps so." -Sarah Palin, when asked if we may need to go to war with Russia because of the Georgia crisis, ABC News interview, Sept. 11, 2008
"A changing environment will affect Alaska more than any other state, because of our location. I'm not one though who would attribute it to being man-made." -Sarah Palin, dismissing global warming as influenced by human activity, Aug. 2008
"I think on a national level your Department of Law there in the White House would look at some of the things that we've been charged with and automatically throw them out." -Sarah Palin, referring to a department that does not exist while attempting to explain why as president she wouldn't be subjected to the same ethics investigations that compelled her to resign as governor of Alaska, ABC News interview, July 7, 2009

Slowing down progress is bad enough; entering a second dark age might wipe us off the planet.  I wish cat's could vote.  Can New England please secede from the rest of the country?  California, you are on your own, you have Conan the Barbarian and Conan O'Brian.  That should be enough muscle and sarcasm to make it through.

If Your Friends Told You To Jump Off A Cliff, Would You?

Monday, April 4, 2011

Slow Death

Hipster Rock Concert People - It's Awesome Because It's Terrible

If you can't handle the whole clip, at least skip to 3:34 and learn about the new Ghost Rock genre.

Does anyone know when the band  'I Got Beat Up At My Cousin's Bar Mitzva By My Cousin Whose Bar Mitzva It Was' is touring?  Because, if they tour I don't want to listen to them anymore.

Friday, April 1, 2011

Have You Seen Me?


You may have seen this poster in the Salem area:

Brian Wilson's Beard

No, not the Brian Wilson who's loss of creative control of the Beach Boy's lead to a complete mental breakdown and schizophrenic behavior...

This Brian Wilson - closer for the San Francisco Giants, who among other things claims to be a certified ninja (something he learned in a dream) and was fined by Major League Baseball for wearing what he called "too much awesome on his feet."

Explore his beard here.